Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Not meant to be a spoonerism

I love it when a character's voice takes over and he says something that surprises you. The scene I was working on has a superhero confronting a citizen in a supermarket. The exchange made me smile. From Chapter 19:

“Can I help you?” Benny’s dad asked. Benny had noticed that whenever his dad wore his super suit, his voice changed just a little. He spoke in a booming, authoritative way. “Up to no good, are we?”

“Uh…” said the man. “No sir. I’m just buying some fruit—a kiwi.” He held up the small brown and green fruit in an effort to prove his point.

“That’s a pomegranate,” said his father. “And everybody knows pomegranates are vegetables.”

Benny couldn’t help but chime in on the conversation. “Actually Dad,” he said, “I think it is a kiwi.” Benny had learned long ago that since his family only ate a few types of food, they weren’t too well versed on fruits and vegetables.

His father ignored Benny. “It might be a kiwi,” he said to the man. "Or it might not be. That little fact is up in the air at the moment. But either way, you don't fool me. I think you’re up to something. You look a little shady to me.”

“I’m not shady,” said the man nervously. “Really. I’m very…unshady.”

Rafter’s father walked around the man, looking him up and down. “Look at those clothes—a bit on the dingy side. And that beard? Very scruffy. And what about that hat? That’s a shifty hat if I ever saw one.”

“My mother knitted me this hat,” the man said defensively. “For my birthday.”

Benny’s father squinted his eyes and glared at the man. “Your mother is a shifty knitter.”


M. Gray said...

Fun scene. Makes me want to get to know the Dad more. :) "Shifty knitter." hehe

L.T. Elliot said...

I loved this book. Top to bottom. =D

Lady Jensen said...

Mar, that surprised me on so many levels - I love it!


PoppaMonkey said...

I love your writing! LOL... shifty knitter.. :-)

BTW... I do the same thing when I do improv. I create a character and stay true to it, and am sometimes totally surprised by the things that character says. It's a bizarre sensation, isn't it? Of course... you're writing it and can delete it. Mine's live and can't be put back in. :-D

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